Rev. Peanut's Devil's Tongue Lasagne

As quick and easy as a cheap Hoor on an austerity drive - and I should know. I am one... None of this bechemel sauce rubbidge - mozzarella all the way... (this is not a "classic" recipe, but feck it - I'm not a classy guy)...

Necessary Items:

500g of mince, unless you're vegetablarian, in which case it's probably best to leave this out

Some olive oil

5 cloves of garlic

1, 2, or possibly 3 Devil's Tongue chillies

200g of chopped mushedrooms (an extra 500g if you let the cow live)

500ml of passata

Half a teaspoon of white pepper and the other half of the teaspoon of crushed black pepper

Pinch some salt and chuck that in too

A bit of fresh thyme and rosemary

300g of fresh, chopped mozzarella

A number of sheets of lasagne (about 9)

Grated parmesan

A bakey dish

An oven

How to do it:

Brown the mince in a pan generally used for frying.

Heat the oil in a sauceularpan, chop the garlic and chillies and chuck 'em in.

After a couple of minutes add the mushrooms and cook on a low heat for about an udder five minutes.

Add the passata salt and peppers and herbie things and simmer gently for ten minutes.

This is the perfect opportunity to inspect the fullness of your wine glass and remedy any visible emptiness.

Add the mince and continue to cook for about half a glass.

Remove from the heat and go next door to borrow a ladle.

When you get back, empty a ladleful of the saucy thing into the bakey dish. Add a layer of lasagne, another couple of ladlefulls of the saucy mixture and then sprinkle a third of the mozzarella on top. And a sprinkling of parmesan on top of that an' all.

As if this wasn't already delicious enough, repeat the procedure another two times.

Drizzle a drizzling of olive oil on top and shove into the oven which has been pre-heated to about 200 deg. C by a small yet efficient employee to whom you pay the going minimum wage.

Leave it there until the oven goes "bing", assuming you instructed the small person to set the timer for 25 minutes.

Eat virtually all of it, but leave one slice for dessert.