Rev. Peanut's Filthy Burger
It's a burger, and it's feckin' mingin', but in a delicious way...
Necessary Items:
500g of mince
A finely chopped onion
A couple of sprigs of thyme and also one of rosemary, all chopped up in a lovely manner
Some finely chopped ginger (Not the cat. And not some random Irish person either. Leave us out of this)
A spoonful of Rev. Peanut's Home Grown Hot Sauce, or a number of fresh chillies, equally chopped
A smidgin' of salt and a significant smidgin' of white pepper
A couple of tablespoons of breadcrumbs
A dollop of olive oil
A splash of soy sauce
Some flour
A fridge with lots of things in it
The relative number of burgular buns
How to do it:
Chuck everything except the flour, buns and fridge into a mixy bowl and squidge it all together until it's all nicely combined. Cover the bowl with cling-film and put it in the fridge.
Take it out of the fridge.
Remove the cling-film and form the mixture into several meatballs, the size of which should be determined by the space available in your stomach.
Roll these about in flour for a bit and squash them into burger shapes. The flour, oil and breadcrumbs help to keep the burger from falling apart while cooking. They are the Prozac of the burger world.
Get a fry-me pan and slop in a dash of olive oil and cook them bastids.
While them bastids are cooking, slice open the required number of buns.
Open the fridge. Next comes the interesting bit...
Remove a wide variety of things that you like from the fridge. It helps if they are roughly the same size as the burger, but that's not even remotely important in the grand scheme of things. Included should be things like mayonnaise, hummous, tzatziki, hot sauce, guacamole, coleslaw and pretty much anything messy and gooey that takes your fancy. Cheese, fried eggs, onions, bacon, dhal curry, tomatoes, more hummous and sauteed mushrooms all generally make an appearance, but it really depends on what grabs your imagination and how bad your hangover is. Fish fingers. They'd work. But they're more likely to live in the freezer, and that's not in the recipe.
Anyhoo, once them bastids are cooked to your liking start building your filthy burger - slop on the mayo, hummous, cheese etc. directly onto both halves of the bun. Delicately place your burger on the bottom half of the bun and layer on more of the fridge. When you're happy with the content, lightly balance the top half of the bun on the summit. Squash it down with the force of Titan and ingest as quickly as humanly possible. Drink beer, get filthy, bathe in ketchup and then - relax. In a Radox bath. Your day was worth it. Enjoy...
